Throwing the Bullshit Flag

Saturday, January 03, 2009

Current mood:Slightly Nauseous So..I'm just watching 20/20 and apparently if you make out with your spouse while in LABOR you can have constant rolling orgasms instead of pain. WHAT THE FUCK?! ...as if you want to make out with the bastard that got you in that position. Some "doctor" did a survey and said 21% of woman have 'orgasmic births'....BULLSHIT....I'm guessing A) this "doctor" has never actually given birth, and B) these woman who claim it must be having babies that are smaller than the shit I take every morning. I'm thinking this doctor is friends with Tom Cruise. Just sayin'.

Atom Boms Comment of the Day

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Subject: Dog Pounds Where: Driving through Cocoa on the way to football Atom: A dog pound?!?! Mom what the heck is a dog pound. Me: It's a place you can take you dog if you can't take care of him and they give him a warm place to sleep, and food, and play with them. Atom: Uhhhhh....do they pound them there? Me: No Adam they don't pound dogs there, they are nice people. Atom: Well a pound is a stupid name if your not actually going to beat them Sigh.....that's Vinces son. Gotta love the Atom Bomb. I could really use some estrogen and chardonnay in this household...

Random Life Update

Saturday, March 29, 2008

So...where to begin....lets start with my daddy. Most of you know it's been a good long while since any of us kids have seen our dad through no fault of his, or ours for that matter. Shit happens and you just have to roll with it...Well, it just happens that Matts drunk dialing finally paid off...he called every Wallace in the phone book and managed to get a nibble. Two days later my dad called back and two weeks later he was here! We did what we do best which was hang out, drink beer, and b-b-q....We had a blast. He brought his love Rose who is seriously, like the most kick-ass bitch! And I say that as a compliment. She is like the most perfect girl for me to hang with...she loves shopping, purses, shoes, jewelry and making boys cry...it's so awesome, I fucking love her. My dad...there is seriously no words to explain all the emotion I feel for him. I thought it would be akward since it had been so long since we had seen each other, but it wasn't...not even a little bit. It was like we were never apart. He is so giving and so cool to hang out with.....he's what every adult child wants in a parent. He's awesome to hang out with, but also there when you need him without any judgments. I can't explain how much it means to me to have him back. Next....I finally got to see The Coop! (oh ya, and Jaime and Marc too...but more importantly THE COOPER!) Jaime and Marc's BEAUTIFUL baby boy Cooper.... AND HE LIKED ME!! He liked me so much he gave me a baby bath in slober cuz he's teething. It was so awesome to finally get to see him and a total surprise. It sucks Jaime and I live so far apart now, but I guess that's what happens when you grow up....I'm not gonna lie, it still freaks me out just a little to look at Jaime and see her as a mom. If there was ever a woman who I would bet money would never be a mom it was her....but she's a beautiful mother and fell into the roll easily, or at least she makes it look easy..(don't we all)... We can now further bond out friendship over chats of stretch marks, and what motherhood does to your once lovely ta-tas...sigh...Anyway, it made my week to get to see them all. Finally, the most fun of it all......Vince had his tonsils and uvula removed....I know he's the "injured party" here but could someone just kill me now. I love the man, but he is a fucking fruit loop when he is drugged....at the hospital they had to bring me into recovery to quiet him down....anyone who knows Vince knows how bizarre this is. The nurse came out and said they needed help because they couldn't "shut him up".....I walk in, he gives me the horns like he's at a rock concert and starts singing Freebird. He just wouldn't shut up...he was talking and laughing and hitting on nurses, it was ridiculous. Then they gave me the lovely task of helping him get dressed.....I told him if he fell he was just going down cuz there was not a chance in hell I could save him...nor would I even try. So, we get him home and he's been hopped up on percocet for 5 days and he's like someone I never met. The freakishly calm man that I married is now a loud, obnoxious chatter box..and he thinks he's funny....it was actually funny at first, but now....not so much. But, it does make for good stories especially for those who know Vince. Vince bought a new boat so they been busy fishing alot which gives me lots of alone time which I LOVE. We got the new room finished the other day, new fancy-schmansy flat screen and the new furniture will be here tuesday...very exciting. We are gonna go see my dad for spring break next week, hopefully Vince will be sober by then ;) Ok kiddies, I know your dying for more awesomeness of my daily life, but I have nothing else...it's ok, dry your tears there will be more soon....

ATOM-isms

Saturday, February 16, 2008

I am proud to say that my Atom bomb not only thinks his mother is a food hoarding lard ass, but that he official believes that hot dogs are a major food group. I left them a note to eat some fruit, and he 'adjusted' the letter..the other one, was 100 day at school....it was posted outside the classroom in the hall way, oh yaaaa...once again, mother of the year...right here.. :) "If I had 100 pretzels my mom will eat them all.."

Absolutely Nuthin HOOUH!

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Current mood: bored Just thought I'd write a random update for anyone who is as bored as I am.. Let's see, Christmas was awesome and Santa is much cooler these days. All the kids got 4-wheelers! Real ones, not little plug in ones..it's a little scary but totally worth it. Alex has rigged up a wagon to the back of his and we make him haul yard debris from the backyard to the the curb out front...he loves it and we don't feel so bad about using our children as yard slaves...oh wait, we never did...anyway, Adam..sheesh, the Atom bomb is one crazy little shit. He got pissed cuz we made him use the governor on his, so we thought "fine, we'll turn it up and he'll scare the shit out of himself"..once again we look like the stupid idiots our children know we are...he flies around the yard like a mexican running for the border..so far the only thing he hit was the lawn mower...and it wasn't moving. We went to PA for a week...it was cold...'nuff said. Alright fine, I'll elaborate. It was fucking cold. The kids had so much fun. Alex, Jeremy, Jenn and I all skiied a trail that was more than a mile long...I realize to most of you that is no big deal..but here's the thing...I hate the cold, and I frown on physical exertion of any sort..( well except THAT ;) ) So, why did I ski down a freezing cold mile long trail you ask? Oh, well, cuz Jenn LIED TO US!!! "Oh, its not that bad" she says "it's a green trail" oh and my personal favorite: "Alex skiied all day yesterday and didn't cry once"...liar. (I'm kidding girl, you know I love you)...so we went..it was fun I guess, but I'm not sure since I couldn't actually FEEL anything.Thank god Jenn was there though or I would have left that kids ass on the mountainside :) What else...well, it wouldn't be a family vacation if someone didn't get ridiculously sick. The stomach bug made the rounds which was horrible especially since I caught a rash of shit for not being able to "hold my liquor" and was a "lightweight"...yeah, ya'll quit making fun of me when EVERYONE starting puking huh...lightweight my ass. We actually saw amish people in wagons and shit, and Mike fucked an amish girl just to say he did. No he didn't dammit..not really, but it would have been awesome if he did..I would have had a trophy made for him for that one... Oh, the most awesome part I guess was the waterpark..it was actually inside the hotel. It was nice and warm and you could almost pretend you were home in Florida...till you had to haul ass with four kids back to the room with them all crying from being wet and cold. I put up a bunch of pics from the vacation and some cute cute ones of the kids at Jeremy, Jada, and Jakes birthday at Andretti Park..so if reading this awesome blog has not cured your boredom, head on over to my oh-so-thrilling pictures. Anyway....blah blah blah...it was a blast. The new year is off to a great start, we are getting a RIDICULOUS amount back from our tax return so were gonna do some stuff to the house, add a room, so I'm excited about that. I'm pleased to say I managed NOT to gain any weight over the holidays so thats always awesome. I'm starting classes again Feb 11..hooray for me I suppose. My birthday is coming up..the big 29...psh, baaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaaaa.....just pretend ok? Please? yay. So that's it. Oh ya, and Tom Cruise is fucking bat shit crazy.

Broken

Monday, November 26, 2007

Current mood:Broken ** Nobody get excited this has nothing to do with Vince ;) ** It just hit me today how the human race is just a bunch of suckers, myself included. We let our hearts drowned that voice in our heads that tell us when we are about to get fucked over yet again. I guess, you want to believe the best in people- you want to believe that they realize and comprehend how much they hurt you at one point, and that they would go out of their way to never hurt you like that again....especially when it's someone who was once your closest friend. It's disturbing that no matter how many times you tell yourself that someone can't hurt you anymore, we still continue to put ourselves in a position where it is even a possible for them to hurt you. Why? Because we are suckers. This is the reason that walls are erected. This is the reason I come off as not not having feelings. This is the reason I don't let you in...because when I do, I get fucked- and not in the fun way. I was just sitting here minding my own business and you sought me out..and why, just to fuck with my head because you know how bad you hurt me before? You're not the first, and you won't be the last because in the end I'm still a sucker. Maybe its Karma, maybe it isn't. Maybe it's just plain stupidity. But you can't escape it. I can't escape it, not even in my dreams.

My Kid Kick Ass.. Part Duex

Sunday, September 16, 2007

ADAMS COMMENTS OF THE DAY CON'T....(and one from Alex yay!) ADAMS COMMENT OF THE DAY: (I had this huge bump on my head that I asked Vince to look at...it was a huge mosquito bite...) ME: Hey Vince could you look at this? VINCE: Wow, thats huge ALEX: What is it? ADAM: Is it Lice? Because if it is, I can have some of my monkey friends from the jungle come and pick them all out..... Yes...Gross, but funny. ALEXANDERS Comment of the Day: Alex: Hey whats this mom? Me: Oh it's a book to learn another language that daddy bought.. Alex: Oh ok, like Chinese or Cuban or Vegetarian? *obivously my child has confused languages with the various restaraunts that deliver to my house and whose menu's I keep on the 'fridge...hooray. once again, mother of the year- right here!* ADAMS COMMENT OF THE DAY: We were in Target, I was looking at some clothes: Adam: Hey mom look I found you a shirt Me: You did? Lemme see... Adam: It's a Man Beater! Me: A man beater? Hahaha? Adam: Ya, it's like a wife beater but for girls.... Thats my rednek boy. ADAMS COMMENT OF THE DAY: Adam: hey mom, when my children won't take a nap, I'm just gonna tape them to the bed....and when they are bad, I'm gonna put the in the microwave... Me:...WHAT?!?! In the microwave?? Adam: Ya....well I'm not gonna turn it on! -And this is why we are on the pre-payment plan for juvenile hall and bail bonding services. Heh.